Dating apps have been one of the ways to meet people in big cities such as London. I know many successful stories too. A few friends of mine got married by meeting someone on a dating app or online and some have beautiful long lasting relationship. Marriage is not for all these days. I agree the dating apps are a wonderful way to meet people otherwise you wouldn’t.
However, for those less successful in love on the dating apps and online life has never been more lonely. Life in London to say, the least, can be brutal for a single person. Something I know very well. I was single for a very long time in London while my friends were getting married, having babies and all that. The dating world can be cruel.
It’s hard to be full of love and open heart when people are disposable as socks.
Instead, people “protect” themselves with arrogance, being cold and with walls around themselves. They become London city themselves nothing sticks unless it’s a cold one night stand. They do say one has to kiss many frogs before one kisses a prince or something like that. However, dating apps or online dating have made impossible to meet the “the right” person.
Because we have been “programmed” to like a photo.
What’s wrong with it?
How many photos do you have of yourself that depicts real you? How many photos “tell” who you really are? Choosing real love based on the photo is impossible. After all love has no face! I don’t think my husband would have chosen me based on my looks or the other way round. We are not ugly people but the photo doesn’t tell me who that person is.
I personally never liked online dating or dating apps because people wouldn’t choose me based on my likes; who would choose a person who likes opera, theatre and books? What about a photo you say? Well, I am not a beauty queen and there’s always younger, prettier looking girls than me. I have no chance in the dating app world!
I believe in connection not the looks.
The looks fade like the flowers.
Human looks can be extended a little bit longer; all the beauty operations being available to all. When I got fed up with my empty dating life. I had to change on how I choose whom I was dating. I didn’t change. My values didn’t change. But I changed how I chose someone. If I wanted real love in my life I had to be open minded.
You cannot expect different results if you continuously “choose” or do things the same way! You’ve got to do something different in getting the love you dream of. I didn’t judge people. I didn’t judge people on their looks. I didn’t even judge people on their behaviour on one weekend, their background or their way of doing things.
What I mean by “judge” is not to write someone off because that person did or said something. It’s the same with the photo. You look at the photo and you think that person is ugly so you never get to speak to that person. I am not saying you have to like ugly people. All I am saying is to be open. Your heart doesn’t have eyes, nose, lips nor does the other person’s heart.
In a world where we are hungry for connection and love we tend to go for the looks which misleads people. Because of this you lose an opportunity for your future love. That’s the biggest problem with dating apps. It’s all based on looks not on your values or who you truly are. The dating apps dehumanises people. I truly believe that. I know many people would perhaps disagree with me.
However, this is my experience. I have seen the cruelty of dating world. Spent hours to get ready only to get disappointed because someone only wants a one-night-stand. Or you invest so much time in one person, give your heart and soul only to be dumbed because someone thinks “you are too emotional”. Or to find out that the guy you liked actually has his real love in another country while he is “courting” you.
Or you have an amazing time with that one person for one evening, all the sparks and everything were there and then you never hear or see that person again. Why? You have no idea. Or all is going really well only to find out that that person only wants casual relationship. What does that even mean? Casual sex? Not to mention all the games people play.
I am sure there are plenty other bad stories from both men and women but single life in London is brutal and people are replaceable. The dating apps only make it worse because you miss on your potential love by basing your decisions on looks. Let me just say this, I wouldn’t want to be a single person in London right now.
As mentioned before I am not against the dating apps and online dating because I know many people who have beautiful relationships and marriages. What I am saying is that there’s a dark side to the online dating and dating apps and how it dehumanises people from a potential love. The dark side is much darker and what worries me people think it’s ok.
If you are looking for love and yet have not been successful, I urge you to open your heart and soul. Stop judging, stop having high expectations of others and just be. Let the connection between two people happen instead of forcing it and basing it on looks. After all nothing lasts very long so why waste it on the looks? Maybe if just maybe you gave it a chance based on connection and love the magic will spark..?
I wish you all magical and full of love 2019. Happy New (or old) Love Year.