Why a certain song makes me cry? Why certain words make me feel something? Why certain people drive me mad? Why certain moments make me want to scream? Why certain moments make me so angry? Why I cry like a baby when I didn’t get what I want?
When I am three or four years old it’s ok to ask any questions but when I grow up I question less. I actually do question everything maybe that’s why I feel so much and care too much. But in actual fact we, as grown ups, stop imagining and questioning. We somehow just accept that that’s it. This is how the world is. We are taught to believe that that’s how it is and we stop asking questions.
Why do we stop asking questions? Why do we stop wondering? Why do we stop believing in magic? Why do we stop believing we can do things?
There’s a moment when I grow up, obviously I rebelled and I was put to my place. Whatever that was, put me down for life. Made me accept that that’s how the world is and I have to live it. I have to go through life suffering. I learn to suffer. I learn to live that that’s the life I deserve. But that’s not true! You see, we make up stories about everything and everyone.
We don’t know if that’s true, for one reason or the other we believe what we made up. Because I didn’t get the same grade for my art work at school, I make up a story that I am not good enough. I didn’t get the same appraisal at work I make up a story I am not good enough. I don’t have the love I want and others do so I make up a story I am not good enough to have love.
All is my head and not real! It’s made up! It’s made up for me to believe I am not good enough to have what I want. However, that’s not true. Who told me that? Myself based on the experiences I had and made up stories around it..?! I go about my life believing lies in my own head and blaming others. How is that going to make me happy or anything?
At some point in my life I was made aware of my own defeatist attitude. I couldn’t see it. I was deep in it. I was swimming in a sea of my own made up misery. Until one day, one magical day I said “I choose my life”, “I choose my love”, “I choose my work”, “I choose my friends” and so on. My life has changed, not immediately but pretty fast.
Here I am asking questions and living how I want. I have people in my life whom I cannot get rid off, for instance, some of family members but I live far away! I let them deal with their own nonsense! I don’t get involved anymore. I let life be and am far more interested in learning about myself and people I love.
Once I made a choice my life changed. Not following the “herd” of people, going to work 9–5, not following the rules of falling in love, I am being me, authentic, raw me. I am not saying you have to give up your current life to have what you want. I am saying you have to make a choice for yourself how you want to live and go and live it. Everything else will fall into a place.