5 Things you Need to do to be Emotionally Intelligent

The need of emotions and how to control it

It is with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

When people talk of emotional intelligence what do they actually mean? Just because someone has empathy to another human being is emotionally intelligent? Just because someone can control their emotions when they cannot wait to act…? Act rationally has never been my strong suit. I am ruled by my emotions. I cry when I watch a film. I am upset when someone is not being nice to me.

I want to defend myself when I am being wronged. I wouldn’t necessarily call it a rational behaviour when emotions override. Anger can make people behave crazy. Then the thoughts are sliding into the psychological metabolism and shifts into reverse and makes certain people non-human. All the angry actions most people would apologise for later.

Emotions is a huge part of our lives. I was once told I am too emotional. What does that even mean? If people want to be emotionally intelligent you can learn it. Here is a few things I’ve learned.


Before you act count to ten. It’s a very hard thing to do! Acting on something because you feel happy or angry is never a good idea. If you act because of anger will not give you the results you want. We all act on emotions think about it, when you decided to spend your life with your partner, you acted on an emotion. However, that emotion wasn’t based on short lived ager or happiness!

Next time you need to make a decision don’t act on anger or happiness. Give it a moment, wait a bit, write it all out and then act. This you’ll avoid the apology or making a wrong decision because you were too quick to react.


If you live out your emotions of the past you are not living in the now. If you continuously think of the past actions, behaviours and life when will you have time for now? The past is over. The past lives in yesterday. You live now. If you let your emotional self dwell on yesterday you will not have time for now. You will not have to create what matters to you now.

The best thing to do is acknowledge it and then move on. Think of today or where you are going; what do you want to achieve today/life? Focus on the steps of getting there.


Emotionally intelligent people doesn’t criticise others so they feel good about themselves. Criticism is great when it’s objective but when it’s to put others down and to make yourself feel good - it’s bad. If you tell someone stop being so happy because it makes me feel bad. That’s a reflection of you and how emotionally unintelligent you are.

If you do not like how others live their happy life, you cannot stand it and you criticise it that’s a child in you talking not a grown up. Emotionally intelligent people are happy for others and see it being possible to achieve everything for themselves.


Many of our emotions goes to tomorrow. Stop worrying about it. The future is not guaranteed and you have no idea what will happen tomorrow. You have no control of it why worry about something you cannot control? I believe that our lives are written but I also believe I have to work hard for what I want to achieve. As long as I put in the work I don’t worry about tomorrow.

If you want the peace and calmness to your mind. Maybe do some praying, yoga, meditation or whatever that works for you. Let go of your need to control I know it’s super hard for me. I love to plan everything and control of everything that can happen but it’s not up to me. I do find peace in a prayer, yoga and mediation.


Let yourself feel whatever the emotion you feel. Don’t bottle up your emotions. It’s the worse you can do. Let it out but in the way that doesn’t hurt others because you don’t feel great. Always be considerate of others you are not alone in this world. Share the pain in the art form, write, paint, dance, sing, run, swim do whatever so you can let out your frustration or any other emotions.

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

Emotions are what makes us alive, without it we are expressionless card boards. It’s important to feel all of the emotions but not let it affect you in a negative way. Learn what triggers you and learn how to deal with it. We are all human. We are all have the spectrum of emotions so let’s be nice to each other and love each other more.

Let’s support each other and help one another instead of jealousy, anger or frustration. After all none of us have a lot of time on this planet what will we remember about ourselves and others? Let’s remember love, support and appreciation. Let’s feel everything and make use of it so it’s a better tomorrow for you and me.

Love and light.

I am a writer who learned to code! I write about personal experiences within a humanist and global context. Find me on Twitter & Instagram @erikachaudhary

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